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Jokes to offend everyone
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO"!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t...."
Why is there no Disneyland in Japan?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
|  | Akane
Location: North America
Age: 22
Posts: 181
| Posted on: 2008-07-23
Too long, a few were good... |
|  | sgeerqhy534
Location: North America
Age: 19
Posts: 438
| Posted on: 2008-07-25
I laughed on a few of them |
|  | sidestitch
Location: Asia
Age: 25
Posts: 22
| Posted on: 2008-07-28
Some r good some r fine some r lame lol |
|  | Jeggo
Location: Australia
Age: 21
Posts: 313
| Posted on: 2008-08-16
Humour is subjective and i found these hilarious. |
|  | TheGirlNextDoor
Location: North America
Age: 19
Posts: 36
| Posted on: 2008-09-27
I like this ones.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities. |
|  | shafroxz
Location:
Age: Unknown
Posts: 2
| Posted on: 2009-04-29
Certainly offended me - not even remotely funnny :( |
|  | Raidosok
Location: North America
Age: 18
Posts: 118
| Posted on: 2009-06-29
Italian and last 2 are funny. |
| | Enrique_lover
Location: Europe
Age: 18
Posts: 138
| Posted on: 2009-07-15
Lol the chinese one is good |
| | choonchan
Location:
Age: Unknown
Posts: 464
| Posted on: 2010-08-10
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| | lulu123
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| Posted on: 2011-06-03
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| | actually
Location:
Age: Unknown
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| Posted on: 2011-07-24
cheap QWERTY Keypad Phones for saleEXCITING NEW SONY ERICSSON MOBILE PHONES
Sony Ericsson have revealed three new mobile phones today, the txt, Xperia active and Xperia ray. Both the ray and active are android powered handsets whilst the txt is running Sony Ericssons proprietary software. Each phone seems to have its own unique selling point in an attempt to target specific customers based though some specialised features.
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Sony Ericsson txt
No surprises that this handset is going after the text messaging addicts out there. In fact Sony Ericsson are actually trying to port some of the more popular uses of its Xperia range onto its more basic products. The txt incorporates a friends application which enables users to pick up to 5 accounts from facebook or twitter and displays them on the handset. The phone isnt able to directly interact with facebook or twitter without using the handsets mobile browser but it does allow you to keep up to date with what your friends are up to. The txt comes Equipped with a full QWERTY keyboard which will appeal to the heavy texters and wifi which will keep down and mobile data use due to the social media integration. A respectable 3.2 megapixel camera covers all of the basics for the Sony Ericsson txt and depending on the price could be a winner for Sony Ericsson. The phone measures 106 x 60 x 14.5mm t-mobile n97 t-mobile n97, weight 95 grams, has an inbuilt FM Radio, YouTube integration, 2.6 inch display, 100 MB of internal memory with MicroSD memory card support up to 32GB. The txt is due Q3 so wed expect an October launch.
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Sony Ericsson Xperia Active
The Xperia Active is an Android based handset that can take a beating cheap Touch Screen Phones for sale cheap Touch Screen Phones for sale, the phone is both dust and water resistant tablet computer price , water resistant meaning it can be submerged for 30 minutes at a depth of one meter. Sony Ericsson have really added appeal to the handset by incorporating some sports apps that can keep a track of your workout and training routine and can even keep an eye on your heart rate with compatible ANT+ devices. With the emphasis on fitness the phone still provides for the masses as the compact design still incorporates a 5mp camera, 3ouch screen 1 GHZ processor and runs android 2.3 gingerbread. Although the phone is aimed at the fitness market we wouldnt be surprised if its robust features dont draw in the tradesman looking for a handset that can survive on a building site. The vital statistics are as follows, size: 55 x 92x 16.5mm and 110.8 grams. 5MP camera with 8x digital zoom samsung b2230h samsung b2230h, autofocus and 720p Video recording. A 3apacitive touch screen (That works with wet fingers, Reality Display with Mobiles BRAVIVA engine display 320 x 480 pixels. 320MB of internal memory and microSD support up to 32GB. This addition to Sony Ericssons portfolio will come as a welcomed surprise for many fitness enthusiasts and we cant think of a phone that currently competes in this area. Expect the Active to be hitting stores Q3 this year.
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Sony Ericsson Xperia Ray
The Xperia ray hardware wise is very similar to their current flagship handset the Xperia Arc samsung b7722 , both have the 1 GHZ processor, run gingerbread 2.3, 8MP cameras and use the Sony BRAVIA engine for the graphics. The ray is however considerably more compact, at only 111 x 53 x 9.4mm the newest powerhouse form Sony Ericsson is a good 20mm smaller overall and may appeal to a wider market. The size of the display is reduced as a result at 3.3ut is still very competitive when pitched against other android handsets on the shelves. For those of you who are after a powerful mobile with a small form this could be the handset for you. The Xperia ray uses Facebook inside Xperia software to integrate your friends status updates and gives you a richer experience. The ray is bundled with an 8.1mp camera, 1GHz processor, 2.3 Gingerbread, Wisepilot navigation, nokia n86 8mp capacitive touch screen, 300 MB of internal memory with a 4GB bundles microSD card and 720p HD video recording. This too is expected in Q3 but well keep you informed as soon as we know more details about all three handsets releases.
All three Sony Ericsson phones should be available through mobiles.co.uk when they are released and youll be able to register for updates by the end of the week.
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